1. Introduction#
Good afternoon everybody.
If you don’t already know me I’m Lisa’s dad, Dave. Or, when I’m talking to my mum or being told off by my wife: David.
It’s worth pointing out here that both the bride and my wife share the same first name. If you find it confusing sometimes, so do we.
Nevertheless that situation has allowed me to often say that I could be travelling in a car containing three people and be the only person not called Lisa Naylor.
THE GATHERING of people here today is to celebrate the marriage of Matt and Lisa and it falls upon me to say a few words. I think I’ll be speaking for a few moments longer than traditionally required so please allow me this indulgence.
TRAVELLERS#
Only use if not mentioned by someone else
I understand that there are people who’ve travelled from places such as Ireland, Liverpool, Basingstoke, Leeds, Manchester, Oldham and Lancaster so thank you to all for making the effort to join us here at Cockley Wood.
HOUSEKEEPING#
Firstly, my speech here today has an underlying theme. I knew that I definitely had to DO ONE so I challenged myself to put on my BRAVE FACE and produce something slightly different. I could have taken the easy route and delivered a conventional wedding speech, and generally, I do think of all the REASONS NOT TO BE AN IDIOT, but if that’s what I turn out to be, so be it.
If any of you do figure out the theme, feel free to PASS IT ALONG to others. To the probable majority that don’t, DON’T WORRY, you’re not missing out.
Secondly, I have a very low emotional threshold. My BETTER HALF Lisa can see the TELL TALE SIGNS and LITTLE CHANGES in my demeanour. Things like Bambi’s mum being killed, David Beckham’s free kick against Greece, David Beckham’s penalty against Portugal — in fact any scene from Love Actually — and the Tories being kicked out of office can all trigger my emotions. It’s just THE WAY I TEND TO BE.
So — when it comes to delivering a speech about my daughter, I probably don’t stand a chance. If and when it happens, it just takes a moment to FIX ME so don’t worry, I won’t BLACKOUT or anything.
I actually started thinking about what I should say LAST CHRISTMAS when Matt and his mum Sue hosted my family for Christmas Dinner.
Due to distance and family relationships I know that the opportunity to enjoy Christmas Day with all my children — and recently grandchild — in the same place can’t happen every year and I’d always be LONGING FOR THE DAY when it could happen.
We’re therefore very grateful to Sue for her hospitality.
Speech writing doesn’t come naturally to me and I think I wore out the kitchen LINOLEUM pacing around practising. I was writing sentences that were too long and kept getting OUT OF BREATH which made me think I MUST TRY HARDER to GET BETTER and GET IT RIGHT.
One thing I found out when Googling wedding speeches was that in no way whatsoever should I mention OLD FLAMES. So don’t worry Ed, I’m definitely not going to mention you mate.
2. Thank yous#
Endorse the thanks already given by Matt.
3. Lisa#
So — let’s talk about the bride. THERE SHE IS, my eldest daughter Lisa looking absolutely amazing, The weather today hasn’t exactly been GLORIOUS YOU would have to say but Lisa, YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE. I’m going to keep a mental POLAROID PICTURE of how you look right now for the rest of my life.
BORN#
Lisa was born at Oldham General Hospital and in the moments after she arrived you can only imagine the state I was in — that emotional streak kicked in strong. She was to be named Rachel Lisa but in my blubbering and tearful state the only intelligible word that came out of my mouth — was Lisa. So that’s what the midwife wrote down and the woman we know and love — became Lisa. I think the nurses took pity on me and quickly offered a DECENT CUP OF TEA to calm me down.
Although born in Lancashire, Lisa has always considered herself to be from the Huddersfield area and therefore Yorkshire. She grew up in the Colne Valley and despite my constant protestations, she’s been something of a Red Rose denier.
However, I could not help a wry smile when she told me that in her role at Lancaster University she’s involved in the organisation of the annual sporting events against the University of York and OH BROTHER, she was finally batting for the Lanccy side.
Maybe her heart now lies SOMEWHERE INBETWEEN.
FESTIVALS#
As Lisa grew up her interest in music quickly developed. When she was nine I found myself with a spare ticket for V Festival at Weston Park in the Midlands.
I decided to take Lisa with me. My younger daughter Becca was THE QUIET ONE and was probably a little bit too young — and anyway — at that stage in their lives — Lisa was more THE OUTDOOR TYPE. We had a great time and I STILL BELIEVE that the experience probably set her on THE ROAD to becoming something of a professional festival attender.
In 2002 I decided to go to the Glastonbury Festival and naturally Lisa wanted to come too. We were Worthy Farm newbies without a clue about the upcoming experience. It was great fun. As we were packing up to come home at the end of the weekend, Lisa realised that we hadn’t bought anything to take home for Becca. SUNDAY NIGHTS at Glastonbury can be really busy but quick as a flash, Lisa ran off through the crowd bouncing around to Orbital in order to buy her sister a t-shirt. That’s the kind of person she is, see a problem — solve it.
As the years went by Becca joined-in with our visits to Glastonbury followed by friends Kayleigh, Helen, Alyssa and a whole bunch of other people from Colne Valley High School. Lisa would wander off with friends to see bands that she liked and I was able to SUBSTITUTE her with Becca as my festival partner.
I often think that Lisa and I created something of a peer-group monster with Glastonbury and I think that still rolls on today.
As tickets to the festival have become increasingly more difficult to buy, Lisa has even volunteered to work as part of the BAR STAFF on a number of occasions, so keen was she not to miss out on those Glastonbury FIELDS OF JUNE.
TRAVELLING#
I was in Huddersfield the other week trying to find a copy of a music book that lists all Frank Turner’s songs. It was for a small project I had coming up cough. I was chatting to THE GIRL FROM THE RECORD SHOP, an AMERICAN GIRL from New York called SALLY, oh no, MY BAD, it was SUSANNAH. It reminded me of when Lisa went travelling with her friend Char.
I think they were trying to satisfy something of a WANDERLUST. Becca and I took the TWO BUDDIES to the airport to begin the first leg of their journey over the pond to the USA.
As we reached the point where they would pass through security I realised that this was it, but before you knew it they were gradually disappearing out of sight like A WAVE ACROSS A BAY. My emotions obviously hit the threshold — yet again.
On the drive home from the airport I thought about what I’d do if something went awry. Would I receive a distress call and have to tell Lisa that I was ON MY WAY, ON A PLAIN (sic) and on a RECOVERY MISSION — or maybe find her THE FASTEST WAY HOME? Thankfully that situation never arose.
The next time I saw Lisa was when she waved at a webcam in New York. I was waving back even when I knew she couldn’t see me.
From that point the girls headed off towards the SUNSHINE STATE of California and then out across the pacific to New Zealand, Australia and other sunny locations. Regular contact was difficult and I didn’t hear from Lisa for prolonged periods of time. I wouldn’t really know where she was in the world and it was as if the intrepid travellers were trying to become INTERNATIONAL HIDE AND SEEK CHAMPIONS.
I’d wonder if she was in a hot and sweaty nightclub acting like a DANCING QUEEN or maybe travelling through inland China SMILING AT STRANGERS ON TRAINS. At the end of the day though, I know she had a great time and even if she did get up to any parent unfriendly activities whilst away, in the best way possible, Lisa, I REALLY DON’T CARE WHAT YOU DID ON YOUR GAP YEAR.
I know that Lisa is still in touch with Char even if she doesn’t see her so much ANYMORE so it’s good to know the two girls are STILL BUDDIES.
WORK#
With the travelling period complete Lisa settled into work. She carved herself a career in sport, starting as a life guard at Colne Valley Leisure Centre. I honestly don’t know where the swimming abiltiy came from — the best I can manage is a poor FRONT CRAWL.
From those early beginnings in Slaithwaite she has climbed the ranks within her field of work moving from Kirklees Active Leisure to Leeds University and now Lancaster. When she’s able to SHOW PEOPLE her skills and abilities it’s no wonder that she impresses potential employers who then go on to offer her THE WORK.
I’m very proud of how she’s forged herself a career and even found time to become an elected councillor on Meltham Parish Council.
CLOSE#
So Lisa, I don’t think I’ve managed to embarrass you. I did have some things vetoed by Lisa so maybe that saved your blushes.
I became a dad for the first time when you were born so that particular special place in my heart will always be yours.
4. Matt#
So — a few words about the groom.
Matt strikes me as the type of guy you’d want covering your back in a crisis. If you want something fixing — properly — you’d ask Matt.
His almost horizontal, laid back and calm approach to things demonstrates the attributes of someone you’d want to marry your daughter. Lisa has certainly found herself a keeper.
Matt, I hope, in Lisa, that you’ve found A PERFECT WIFE.
I’m pretty certain that if you were to mark her out of ten you’d give her a PERFECT SCORE.
You’ve FOUND SOMEBODY TO LOVE and clearly she thinks the same. It’s A LOVE WORTH KEEPING and I hope you two live a long and prosperous life together.
As Sue has welcomed Lisa into her family, I welcome you into mine and I’m proud to call you my son-in-law.
5. Wise Words#
Finally, some brief words of advice, for what they’re worth from little old me and of course Mr Frank Turner.
Both life and marriage can have their ups and downs. If ever you think THERE ARE BAD TIMES JUST AROUND THE CORNER — DON’T WORRY — just put ONE FOOT BEFORE THE OTHER and trust in yourselves. Your ROCK AND ROLL ROMANCE is built on solid foundations so work through the BAD TIMES GOOD VIBES will surely follow.
6. The Toast#
So, on what you could describe as THE GREATEST DAY for the happy couple, I’ll ask you to charge your glasses for us to toast the new Mr and Mrs Coates — Matt and Lisa.
And I’m done.
All song titles taken from: https://frank-turner.com/songs/